I'm Single So, I must be sad and lonely. (Part I)

I’m Single, So I’m sad and lonely

Out of the blue, a student of mine came to me one day and said:

“Ms. James, I feel so bad for you.” O-Kay.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because when you get home there is nobody there and you are sad and lonely because you are all by yourself.” (She knows this because they ask about my relationship status every other week)

Eyebrows raised, “Am I?” I asked.

“Aren’t you?” She responded.

There was a moment of laughter before I answered her question. Here is this sweet little 4th grader thinking that since you don’t have a husband, a boyfriend, kids, a dog, a cat...nothing, you must be sad and lonely. I could see why a kid would think like that. But the sad reality is that a lot of single adults actually do feel this way. However being single shouldn’t automatically make you sad and lonely.

This was a hard one to write. I wrestled with it for a while. I think it’s because dealing with sadness and loneliness as a Christian is two-fold. You can’t be insensitive about it. I mean these feelings and emotions are real and can get folks down. But you can’t be super soft either.

Why? Because this is a fight people. And we got to understand what we are up against. The enemy loves using our singleness against us. He is ecstatic when we get tripped up on the wrong stuff. But let me remind you that we are children of God; followers of Christ. We say we believe that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. And if that is the case, then we have a weapon in this battle. We have to choose to use it though. Choose not to be sad and lonely.

Why do I say choose not to be? As if some folks want to be sad and lonely. Well, I believe that subconsciously, we do. We don’t want to learn to be content in our singleness because we still desire to get married someday. We also feel that God did not create us to be alone. So we are justified in being emotional about our situation.

Neither are good reasons for us to walk around sad and lonely as if we do not serve a God who has requested that we be anxious for nothing. Did He not say for us to cast our cares on Him because he cares for us? Then why the sad faces. Do we not trust Him?

That’s why checking sadness and loneliness is so important. It’s not a good look for Christian singles to behave just like everybody else. When we have the same fears, the same gripes, the same actions as folks who are not saved….what does that say about us as Christians and the God we serve. That we are not more than conquerors? That the joy of the Lord is not our strength? That we can’t do all things through Christ? Who then does the contradiction fall on?

Us. It’s not God’s abilities that’s lacking or in question. What’s lacking is our faith and belief in them and willingness to put it into action. We can do ourselves a favor and make God look good simply by living the words we say we believe.

So this is just a friendly reminder that I think you must lock into your soul. And that is: God is able. You can do all things through Christ including live a happy, purpose filled life while you are single. Not just in theory but in reality. But you got to want to. You have to believe that God can do it.

Children of God should be confident that the Lord is working things out for us. Sadness and loneliness should not be a permanent fixture in your life. Will you have your moments? Yes. But don’t wallow in it. I don't allow myself to do it, I don't want you to do it. The moment I realize that the enemy is trying to use my situation to bring me down, I begin applying the antidote. Because all of his tactics can be countered with God and His Word. So don't fight fair.

Know that you have a weapon. Know that you can use it. Know that He works!

Stay tuned for Part 2....